You feel like home to me
by SleepingKittens
Summary: Quinn Fabray has lost so much and been through horrible experiences such as losing her child, losing her father, getting kicked off the Cheerios but when it comes to Rachel Berry, her depression becomes much worse than she thought. Santana is her best friend and helps her though it all but will she become more than that?
1. Chapter 1

My life was a mess, the biggest mess I've ever seen and I had no idea of what to do. My daughter was no longer mine, I'd lost my father and almost my mother when I got pregnant when the idiot I'd dated got me kicked out of my own home, I got kicked off the cheerios which is the cheer leading team at my school where I was head cheerleader and one of the three fierce bitches at my school and last but not least, the girl I liked was afraid to love me back.

Rachel Berry was her name. She was a short brunette with a dream. A dream to be a singer on Broadway and even though she talked a lot for some peoples tastes and was always ambitious, I didn't mind it at all. I was once mean to her to hide my feelings but once karma comes back to hit you, you seem angry at first but soon you start to think of other peoples feelings as well. This was when I'd finally admitted to myself that yes, I, Quinn Fabray, liked a girl but not just any girl, the girl. The girl I'd watch in Glee club and silently sob when she sung. So I told her my true feelings and it didn't go as I planned.

_We had just won first place at sectionals and everyone was excited yet also very tired on the ride back to school. Most people would go home with their parents but the bus took the kids back who didn't have someone. So in this case Sam, Mercedes, Rachel, some teachers from our school and me._

_"Hey Quinn, I know they're a lot of seats around since there isn't many of us on here but would you mind if I came and sat with you?" She asked with her sweet smile._

_"Of Course, Rachel. I'd be most honoured."I told her._

_We didn't talk about much mostly about how excited we both were after we'd won and how well we all did. Not even half way there everyone became quiet and in a few seats in front of where Rachel and I sat down the back, were Mercedes and Sam snuggling together asleep. We were -almost- alone and so close together I decided to use this moment to ask out Rachel. I wasn't sure if she'd liked me back for sure or if my brain was making it looked like she did when she would smile at me so sweetly and silently watch me from a distance or even give me side glances when something happened to see how'd I react. It sure looked like it to me though, I was just nervous for the answer in case it wasn't what I wanted to hear. I knew it would do my head in if I didn't ask though._

_20 seconds of courage, I thought to myself, that's all I needed and I needed it fast as we were almost back to school. I took a deep breath before slightly tapping Rachel's shoulder, this way I knew I couldn't back down now._

_"Rachel?" I whispered so I wouldn't wake anyone up and also so nobody would hear what I was going to say. I could feel my hear beating in my chest._

_"Yes, Quinn?"_

_"I want to ask you something... but I don't know how you'll react, please promise you won't get mad or anything."_

_"I'd feel better making a promise if I knew what I was promising but since it's you, I promise." She told me with a slight smile. I took a breath, this was it._

_"I like you Rachel and I don't mean just as a friend... well what I was wondering is if you liked me too?" I looked into her eyes, seeing them soften and her smile faded just a slight._

_"I- I do like you Quinn."_

_"So why are you frowning?" I asked with a tear._

_"Because I'm no good for you Quinn." She looked down in her lap as the bus stopped at our school._

_"Of course you are, don't say that." I told her,. Lifting her head up gently with my hand so I could look into her beautiful brown eyes._

_"No, I'm not." She took hold of my hand and placed in my lap._

_"I'm a freak and I'd only give you a bad reputation... I'd make you lie for me, tell people we weren't a couple and I don't want that for you. I want you to be happy Quinn and I wouldn't make it easier for you to do that.. I'm sorry Quinn." Before I could respond she got up and left, hurrying out the door of the bus to her car where her fathers would be waiting for her._

_"Rachel, wait!" I went to follower her but it was too late, I was stuck behind teachers getting off and she was already half way to her car. That night I went home and I spent most of my night crying alone in my room. She wouldn't answer my phone calls or text messages. I felt like my gut had fell out of me and all that was left was my broken heart that was barely keeping me alive._

And so that's how it happened and I haven't been able to be in contact with her since. One of those reasons is because I haven't left my bedroom since that night. I took long baths and when I wasn't I was either drawing, reading or self loathing in the comfort of my sheets. I needed a friend and before I knew it, I was wishing I hadn't wanted somebody to come for me. Santana came for a visit after Cheerios practice one evening. I would tell you what day it was but to tell you the truth, I didn't know what day it was. I opened my door for her and then made my way back to my bed but before I made it she took hold of my arm.

"Why haven't you been answering my calls? I've been worried sick about you, Q. You haven't been to school all week." All week? So this must mean it was Friday. Good to know.

"I dropped my phone in the bath tub on..." I stopped that sentence I didn't know what day, they all seemed to burr together. I looked at her with no expression on my face because all I was feeling was hurt and lonely and you didn't need to show any for this unless you were pretending you weren't and that ship had sailed as soon as I walked into my bedroom that night after sectionals. She huffed a sigh before letting go, allowing me to continue my way to my mess of a bed. I sat down and stared at the wall.

"You haven't been taking your Depression tablets have you?" She asked me.

"I don't need them." I snapped at her. She dropped her bag on the end of my bag and rumaged through my draws looking for my Anti-depressants. I didn't stop her, I just crawled back into my sheets and closed my eyes pretending she wasn't here.

"Where are your Anti-depressants, Q?" She asked me softly, afraid that I would snap.

"I don't know." was all I said and really, I didn't know where they were either. I'd probably run out of them.

"Have you been eating?" She asked me. I opened my eyes and saw her looking at the piles of food my mother had brought up for me all left uneaten. I wasn't hungry, I'd just chuck it all back up anyway. I always threw up my food when I was depressed. I ignored her and again shut my eyes. I heard her walking up to me before she come and lay next to me on my bed. She brushed away my tangled hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear.

"Do you want to talk to me?" She asked me and when I opened my eyes I could see the hurt and concern in them. I didn't talk though, all I did was cry and she came and held me until I fell asleep.

When I woke up, Santana wasn't there but placed on the spare pillow besides me was a note.

_Quinn,_ She wrote.

_I'm sorry if you woke up to me not being there but I promise you I will be back soon. I'm going to go the shops and pick you up some Anti-depressants and don't be mad at me, I'm just trying to help because it hurts to see my best friend like this. Also I'll pick up some coffee and breakfast._

_I borrowed some of your clothes, I hope you don't mind._

_I love you Lucy._

_-Santana._

For the first time since that night, I felt a pinch of happiness well inside me when she wrote my real name. I didn't know why though and I knew it wouldn't last long. I took this as a sign to get out of bed and go have a shower. I know I was depressed but Santana would be here soon and I should at least make my self presentable enough so she wouldn't do it for me later, I didn't feel like wearing dresses and make up so maybe If I just showered and put on jeans and combed my hair, it would make her feel better.

When I came back into my room after having a shower, I found Santana flicking through the channels on my tv. On the bed was a few doughnuts and on my bed side table was coffee, a water bottle and my tablets. She gave me a smile and patted the bed next to her. I hung up my towel and came and sat next to her.

"It's good to see that you've considered putting on pants today. Should I take that as a good sign?" She asked before stopping when she saw The Simpsons on. I shrugged my shoulders and began watching. She held out the container of doughnuts and I picked out one with chocolate icing and began taking small bites. I didn't realise how hungry I was before because to me emptiness and depressed felt the same to me so it didn't bother me but now that I'd actually eaten, I found myself going for a second one. Once I had finished eating, Santana placed a tablet in my hand and then handed me the bottle once I'd swallowed it. I drunk half the bottle. I handed it back to her and she did up the cap before placing it on the side table then came and cuddled closer into me.

"Thank you San." I told her and I was thankful, I would have starved to death if it wasn't for her.

"You're welcome Q." She said with a small smile.

"Are you ready to talk?" I shook my head. I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to remember just yet or have those feelings flood over me. I just wanted to sit with my best friend and watch stupid tv shows.

"Just tell me when you're ready."

* * *

**I know I've started a another story when I haven't finished the others yet but when I started writing this I didn't know exactly what I was writing, it just spilled out of me. So I hope yous all like it, I put a lot of my emotion into it and if I feel like it I might even write more later depending if I have the right emotion for it. **

**Anyway I'd love to hear what you guys think. **


	2. Chapter 2

Santana stayed at my house for the rest of the weekend only to go home that Sunday night. I was alone and I missed that warm feeling of her sleeping besides me. I grabbed all the pillows I could and pulled back my sheets to pile them next to me, keeping me trapped inside the comfort of the barrier. I didn't get much sleep that night so I didn't go to school the next day. I didn't want people to see me this way, I had to clean up my mess before I did. I slept most of the day only waking up later that afternoon when my mother told me I had a visitor. I heard her footsteps leave the room and I turned over and rubbed my eyes before opening them, only to see that it wasn't Santana. It was Rachel.

"Crap, Rachel." I pulled my blanket over my head to save her from the sight of me. If I were to cry I wasn't going to let her see. "What are you doing here?"

"I was worried, you didn't show up last week." She told me. "Are you okay, Quinn?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?" I threw the blanket away from me and stared at her. "You told me you liked me and then ran off. How could I possibly be okay?" I was starting to get angry but I couldn't hold it in.

"I'm sorry.." was all she said.

"You're sorry? That's it?" I was being a bitch and I knew it but I was only protecting my feelings, I didn't want to hurt any more. It was too much to handle. How I wish Santana would finish up with Cheerios practice and be here. Before I knew it she was kneeling on my bed with her lips pressed against mine. It was soft and soon became passionate but it didn't last long.

"I'm really sorry.." she breathed close enough for me to smell her perfume. I opened my eyes just to see the last few seconds of her as she was walking out the door.

Not again!

xxx

I waited for Santana to come by as I sat in my room with my fingers pressed to my lips. Rachel had kissed me. It felt so good to have done it but now it just kind of hurt. I couldn't believe she ran off again after kissing me. It wasn't fair. I wish I had my phone now so I could – ugh. How could she do this to me?

There was a knock at my door before it slightly opening and a smiley Santana poping her head in.

"Hi there." She called to me.

I gave her a slight smile back because I really was happy to see her, she'll make me feel happy.

"Hi San." She closed the door and walked up to the bed putting some bags down the bed before getting under the blanket in her track suit and wet hair to give me a hug.

"How are you feeling today?" She asked relaxing into me.

"Better now that you're here." This made a huge grin appear on her face as she sat up and reached for the bag.

"Well you should be cause I brought bacon." She pulled out a container made of foam and I could smell it as soon as she handed it to me with one of the two forks she had.

"Calm down Q." She laughed. "It's only bacon."

"Don't you say that, it is life. Like tasting gods tears of joy." I told her with a tone of seriousness which made her explode into a fit of laugher telling me I was insane and I couldn't help but laugh along with her. As she knew would happen, she didn't get much of it. I ate most of it while we watched cartoons in bed but she didn't seem to mind.

"People have been asking about you."

"Who?" I asked while I chewed.

"Well Mr. Shue has been worried about you, so has Britt and a couple of others- oh and berry" She added. I turned my head back to the tv.

"What's wrong?" She asked. "Is it Berry?" When I didn't say anything she knew it was her and she wanted to know what happened. I told her that she came around today after school while she was at Cheerios practice and asked me if I was okay. I told her I got mad and then I told her the whole story of us on the bus back from sectionals. I told her how she kissed me and apologized before once again, running off and leaving me hurt. I could see the hurt in Santana's eyes too but she pushed it away like she always did. She wiped the tears that ran down my face with her thumbs before she moved in closer to me and held me into her.

"Everything will be alright, Lucy. Just remember that I love you..." She mumbled the last part but I heard her.

"I love you too." I told her before I shut my eyes. "Please stay here with me."

"Always." She told me in return and she did. She stayed with me all night long while I snuggled into her for warmth. Only leaving when it was time for her to get up in the morning to get ready for school. She used my bathroom and put on my Cheerios uniform since we hadn't had the chance to wash hers. Sue wouldn't even know the difference. And before she left she wrote me another letter that I found after I had woken up for the second time that day.

It said:

_Quinn,_

_Sorry I couldn't stay, if I had a choice I would have stayed but Sue will have me running laps until my legs were on fire and I would have to listen to her on going speeches. I will be back after school since I have practice before lunch. _

_Have a nice day, Lucy. _

_-Santana. _

So I did what I always did when I was waiting for her, I took a bath, got changed and even did my hair even though I knew I wasn't going anywhere. When I looked at the clock it had just pasted one so I logged into my laptop and decided to check my emails since I hadn't looked at them for over a week. I had more emails than I thought. There was one from Brittany telling me that she hoped I would get better soon and something else about skittles making me happier, then there was one from Mike & Tina, Mercedes, Puck and well I expected a few from Rachel. I looked at them all but left the few from Rachel unopened before I closed my laptop and went downstairs to the kitchen. I'd locked myself in my bedroom for so long I was beginning to forget that there was life outside my room. I looked through the fridge and then the cupboards deciding that I wanted a bowl of fruit loops. My mother took a double shot at looking at me at the kitchen table, she was quite surprised to see me outside of my bedroom walls. She came and gave me a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek before she headed off to work.

I was once again left alone and maybe not even an hour later Santana had let herself in and was heading up to my room.

"Hey San, down here." I called from the spot I was sitting at in the lounge room reading one of the few books I had left around the house. "You're back early." She walked into the room with one of her famous shining smiles and came down to sit with me.

"I decided to leave early today." She shrugged. "And I'm glad I did since you seem to want to leave your bed today. How about we go out tonight?"

"Sure." I said putting down the book and heading up to my room. We went through my wardrobe going through all the options before picking out skinny jeans and two of my favourite tops that seemed to look better on the Latina than they did on me. I found myself liking when she wore my clothes, they always left her scent on them afterwards. I put on my make up while Santana told the story of how Finn had totally embarrassed himself when he woke up after history class to find the other guys on the football team had drawn on his face.

"-it was so funny. You should have seen him, he had no clue what anybody was even talking about." She told me as she was using my straightener to do her hair.

"He's so clueless sometimes." I laughed. I finished putting on my mascara and turned to Santana. "You ready to go?" I asked her as she was putting on a jacket.

"Yep, let's go."

We drove around for awhile not knowing where we wanted to go until we found ourselves at the park. The park did sound good, I must say as I haven't walked much in the last week so we got out and headed down the first path we saw, not caring where we went.

I felt free for the first time in ages. I felt like running and enjoying myself. I felt like sitting under the trees in the shade and watching the sun go down. I could feel myself smiling at the idea and I saw Santana's eyes on me.

"Can we stay here for awhile? I want to see the sun go down." I turned to ask her.

"Of course we can." She leaned in closer and linked my arm to hers. "As long as you like, Q."

We settled down under a thick, tall tree as I watched the colours in the sky as the sun fell. I admired the purples and the pinks in all the different shades. Santana's phone rang and I watched her as she picked it up. She groaned and picked it up before asking what the person wanted. I heard a mumble over the phone but I couldn't make out the words. I wonder who it was.

"You know what, I don't care what you're excuse is. Stop. Calling. Me." and just like that she hung up the phone.

"Who was that?" I asked with wonder. She shook her head, rolling her eyes.

"Nobody."


	3. Chapter 3

Everyone was happy to see me in Glee club again the next day. I decided I needed to get out of the house for awhile and the only way was too go back to school. I knew there were times where I would be forced into the same room as Rachel but I didn't really mind. I couldn't avoid her forever plus Santana would be with me so everything just seemed a lot better. I sat in the back row next to Santana and soon Brittany rushed over to come sit on the other side of me.

"Hi Quinn. Did you get my email?" She asked me excitedly. I told her I did and she handed me a giant bag of skittles. "Just in case you become unhappy again. It's sort of like a first aid kit." She smiled and blinked her eyes a few times as she raised her shoulders like it was no big deal. She could be so adorable when she wanted to. "Thank you Brittany." I told her. "That's really sweet of you." I gave her a quick hug and placed the bag down near my feet for safe keeping.

Glee club wasn't any different that lesson. As usual Rachel sang a song, this time about following her heart but not knowing which way is right which only reminded me of that night. I could see it her eyes that she was stuck and suddenly I felt so bad about being a bitch to her. So after Glee club I told Santana I'd meet her at her locker after school before she left for her next class and I waited for the classroom to empty out until only Rachel and I were left. She stood near the piano with her back facing me, I picked up my bags and walked up behind her stopping before we got too close.

"You sung that song really well. I liked it.." I told her. She froze for a couple of seconds before she turned and thanked me. "I'm sorry I acted like a bitch the other day but you know it hurt and what I understand is why you keep running off.."

"I told you, you deserve better than me and anyway, I'm with Finn now." I- Hang on, did she just say she was with Finn? Why is it that I didn't know about this?

"Since when?" I felt my heart break and my chest felt hallow like it all just suddenly fell out of me. I should have known this was going to happen. Sometimes things are just too good to be true. Now I understood that her song wasn't about what I had hoped.

"We went on a date last night and it just sort of happened.." Before she could finish, I walked out. I couldn't stand the ache in my heart and the way it thudded in my chest.

I bumped into Brittany, who took my hand and wiped the tear that fell. "Oh Quinn, What's wrong?" She asked in that sweet, caring voice of hers. I opened my mouth, trying to form words but none came out, just sobs. She embraced me in a hug before putting an arm around me to go and sit in the auditorium. On the way she sent a text to Santana asking to meet us there.

We sat down the back of the long rows of chairs, in the corner so if anyone came in, we could hide and stay out of trouble with teachers. Which wasn't hard because I'd done many times before. Santana came a few minutes after and rushed to my side, pulling up the arm rest on the chair to get closer to me and pulled me into her arms. I rested my head on her shoulder and we sat like this for awhile before she asked what was the matter. Brittany excused herself, saying that she needed to get to her class because Tina was going to help her with her assignment. I nodded and said goodbye and she told me to remember the skittles which made me smile a little. After she left I told Santana what had happened and she held me tighter.

"She's right you know.. You do deserve better." She told me quietly.

"Yeah? Who would like me? I'm an emotional mess."

"Anybody would be stupid not to want you, Lucy." She whispered in my ear. We sat in slience for awhile before I whispered. "I just wish I could forget all this pain.."

And before I could understand what was happening she was leaning down and lifting my chin to place a kiss on my lips.

* * *

**I know this chapter is shorter than the other two but I hope you like it anyway and I'm sorry for leaving you all on a cliff hanger like that but I should hopefully have the next chapter up soon. I can't promise you though because I don't have a charger for my laptop anymore and until my new one comes, I have to steal my mums every now and then when she's not home. **

**Also I had a review asking if Quinntana was going to be endgame, so I hope this chapter answers that question. **

**Also, Happy new years everyone. c:**


	4. Chapter 4

Deep down I couldn't deny that I had feelings for my best friend, even if I just noticed myself. She was always so beautiful, even in that short moment when I spotted her a few desks in front of me that day I started high school. I remember when she looked back but her eyes didn't settle on me, and I smiled to myself hoping that I would be her friend because, well I didn't have any then. I always thought I was never good enough to have someone like her but some how I suddenly was. This girl liked me and I liked her back and for once in my life I felt good about myself. Even if she just said that the kiss was just a kiss and nothing more. I didn't believe her, I could feel that that was a lie and I didn't want a lie, I wanted her. Suddenly I couldn't feel the pain any more, not really anyway. When I was with her it all seemed to go away. She made it all disappear.

And I felt the need to tell her this even though it was three in the morning. I didn't want to call her or text her, I wanted to see her reaction with my own eyes and hear the words she said with her voice, not the words she typed. So I got out of bed, brushed my tangled hair and put a pair of jeans on along with a jacket. As quietly as I could I went downstairs, took my mothers car keys and drove to her house. It was raining, like pouring down with rain but I didn't care. I wasn't going to wuss out now. I pulled into her drive way and got out. I didn't want her parents to wake up and see I was here so I used the old 'throw a small rock at her window' cliché that we used when we would sneak out to parties and stuff.

It worked. She came and opened the front door.

"Quinn?" She called quietly. "What are you doing here?"

I took a deep breath as water soaked every part of me.

"You said it was just a kiss San... but it wasn't. It was so much more than that. I felt it and I know you did too.." I paused for a few seconds but she didn't say anything so I continued. "I don't want to be unhappy any more and with you... I'm not. I feel happy. So happy.-"

The dark haired girl walked into the rain towards me as I talked. "-and I want you Santana. I didn't see it before but I like you... I like the way you talk and walk and the way you dress. I like that you care for me and that you never left. I 've always thought you were beautiful and incredibly smart. I like the way-" Santana's arms were now around me and her lips cut the last few words of my sentence but I didn't care. I forgot everything as I enjoyed the feeling. She was the first to pull back and I finished my sentence. "-I like the way your lips feel on mine." I gave her a smile which she returned and if it wasn't raining, I could have swore that she was crying a little bit.

"I do as well, Lucy." She placed a kiss on my cheek. "I like you too."

I ran my fingers through her wet hair and pulled her closer to me. I wanted this moment to last forever. I wanted to stay here with our arms around each other and my lips on hers in the pouring rain.

She kissed me again and I could feel her shiver in the tank top she was wearing. I pulled her closer and walked her back into the house, shutting the door quietly behind us. We walked back up to her room, leaving puddles as we walked and got towels to dry us off. I couldn't help but smile, something had actually gone right and it felt good. We changed into some dry clothes, me being in some of her old track pants and T-shirt and then she trapped me in a hug from behind. I relaxed into her, sighing. "I like this." I whispered to her.

"Stay with me tonight?" I turned to her and placed a kiss on her nose with a smile. "I'd love too but we better get some sleep soon if we are to go to school tomorrow." She settled herself in bed and I followed. "Or we can miss school." She spoke with a cheeky grin. I shook my head and giggled. "Were going, right after we go to my house and explain to my mother why I stole her car."

"Fine." She huffed as I snuggled into her.

One last kiss and whispered 'Good nights' and we were asleep again.


End file.
